Men, women, and the expression of love

I have so many ideas today that I could probably write three posts at once.  But if I tried, you would know that I'm crazy rather than merely suspecting it. Speaking of crazy, here's a quote from the great and irreverent George Carlin to help set the mood:

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy; men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

Venus and Mars habitation aside, men and women express emotions differently.  I won't try to give some half-baked rationale for this except to say that like Carlin, I've generally observed it to be true. While it's a great source of consternation between the sexes, perhaps it's really about love and how it's expressed.

I love cartoons.  Some get to the nub of complex ideas with a few simple panels.  I've probably learned much of what I know from such fine cartoonists as GB Trudeau, Bill Watterson and Lynn Johnston.

Lynn Johnston in For Better or For Worse illustrates how women often think men express emotions.  But ladies, just because you don't hear male expression of emotion, doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Expressing emotion is fundamentally about trust and we express trust and love in different ways.  For women, it's generally about opening up and making an effort to put feelings into words.  It's about trusting the other person, usually a woman, to listen sympathetically without rushing to judgement.  Your best girl friend is the one who is there to listen and provide encouragement, mostly uncritical encouragement.

For men, it's different.  A male friend sent me this:

"Men socialize by insulting each other, but they don't really mean it.  Women socialize by complimenting each other, and they don't really mean it either."

I couldn't find the author of this quote.  While we all know it isn't entirely true, still it has a ring of truth to it. Men show affection by razzing each other.  Remember this is coming from a woman so don't take my word for it but I think it's a comfortable way for men to show affection.  It's like saying "I love you." but without the mushy words.

Many years ago, my father and I went Christmas shopping and we stopped for a drink afterward.  Over the beer that marked a change in our relationship to that of friends, he said to me, "You know, parents try to do what's right for their kids but they don't always get it right."

Young and female though I was, I understood that while my father wasn't being emotive, he was in a very real sense apologizing.  I tried to spare his dignity and replied, "Well most kids eventually understand that parents act out of love."  And that was that.  No long ruminating.  No further explanations required.

So for the adult kids out there, take the time this holiday season to tell your dad you love him .  Just don't expect mushy words in return.


The views expressed in this post are personal opinions only.