My fondest memories of my late father involve walking and talking too -- over a long bridge in the winter cold for the joy of a hot chocolate on the other side or on a beach at dawn in search of sand dollars. Those were the times my father would impart parental pearls of wisdom or ask, "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?". But what I remember most are the stories my father told me about his life.
My dad saw the world as larger than himself. Orphaned as a child, he cherished the notion of family as part of that bigger, more important world he believed in. Through his beliefs and principles, my father knew who he was. He had integrity and he wanted his children to grow into principled adults too.
What is a good parent? Although putting a roof over children's heads is important, being a good parent is not about buying things. Nor is it about living in the best neighbourhoods or enrolling children in the best schools. And it's not just about throwing a football around, though that's good to do too. It's about spending real time rather than simply quality time with your child. It's about talking with your child. And about something we can all do -- listening to our children.
The funny thing is that the listening part is probably the most important aspect. By listening to your child, you validate her as human being. You communicate that he has something worthwhile to say. And if you have the patience to listen, really listen, you may find that your child does indeed have something valuable to say, occasionally something even brilliant. Out of the mouths of babes come honest observations unfettered by convention.
Well, I promised a tie-in with our cause célèbre of the week, Rob Ford. What I see in Rob Ford is a man sadly without integrity, someone without a larger world of principles or beliefs. As is revealed in the latest video, a man who lives in the very small lonely world for himself and himself alone, without larger purpose. Little wonder he turns to alcohol and crack in his loneliness.
Though an extreme example, Rob Ford is a product of our time. When few people have time to make sense of the world or even have time for a conversation, when people are inundated with senseless information devoid of meaning, when they are alienated and feel powerless to control their destinies, and when change is happening at an increasingly faster rate, almost everyone is left floundering. 'Whatever', the universal cry of youth, then becomes the norm.
This seems an especially good maxim for politicians to follow. As Andrew Coyne said on The National, "There's been longstanding problems of a lack of an accountability mechanism. We've relied a lot on decent chaps running things. And when decent chaps aren't decent chaps or aren't running things, we've run into difficulties." To which I might respond, well south-of-the-border, they've seen the result of the other extreme with too many checks and balances. They now have a political system that is shut down with gridlock. Right now, neither the Canadian nor the American system seems to be working very well.
All I can do in life, all anyone can do, is moderate my own behaviour. To do this well, I have to be introspective and act with integrity, accepting my mistakes and learning from them. Reflection takes time though but with it, the old-fashioned words of principle and integrity can take on new meaning. All we really need to do is slow down and listen to that inner voice; just slow down. It doesn't really matter where you begin but a walk with your child this weekend would be a good place to start.
P.S. Last weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting a regular reader of this blog who was kind enough to come over and introduce himself. Thank you. If you ever find yourself in the same room with me, please don't be shy. Come over and say hello.
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions only.
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